We know how to get along on the roads. We can adapt safe driving ideas to inspire people to understand and respect others. Teach everyone to listen (yield), check biases (blind spots), and reject ideological rage (road rage).
Why do we need to teach people safe driving in the first place? Shouldn’t we know how to be nice to others, or at least behave without having to be told?
We’re not born knowing how to handle heavy, powerful, dangerous engines on wheels with seats. It’s exciting to drive fast and go places. Plus, sharing roads with others is challenging…
I have a thought experiment. What if we all had to wear a pin button on our shirts for a week. The pin buttons have the following messages on them:
“Police feel threatened by me.”
“People think I’m lazy.”
“People think I’m too emotional and indecisive.”
“People think I’ll always put my family ahead of my career.”
“I didn’t graduate from a top school.”
“I don’t belong to the right country club.”
“People associate me with COVID.”
“People think I want to hurt businesses.”
“People think I hate immigrants.”
What if society forced these pin buttons on us, and we…
How does one person have a positive effect on another? How can we better understand the ingredients and limitations of helping relationships?
Let me start with a quick story.
Meghan watches as her mother finish a telephone call.
“Mommy, why are you crying?” she asks gently.
“I’m okay,” mommy sighs, “I’m okay.”
Meghan leaves the room and comes back moments later.
“When I’m sad, I hold on to Mr. Brown,” she says, handing over a teddy bear to her mother.
Meghan does a lot of things in this little exchange. Her actions encapsulate what it means to help others. She…
Cooperation is the foundation of human civilization. Yet it can be fragile, easily undermined by distrust, bias, ignorance, and short-sightedness. How can we promote cooperation and synergy at home, at work, in society, and beyond?
Let me tell you a story. A few years ago I had to go downtown to meet a client. It was around 9:30 in the morning. Along the way I noticed there was a shoe store that was open. Not only was it open, there were customers inside.
This great consumer demand for shoes puzzled me, and it took me days of wondering before I…
Can we actually learn how to get along?
According to Wikipedia, the term “Road Rage” was coined by television hosts in Los Angeles in the midst of a number of violent road encounters around 1987–88. It describes violent and aggressive behavior by motorists.
Most people agree that road rage is bad. It can cause traffic jams, property damage, and even death. Drivers are taught to yield and practice other safe driving behavior. …
A workplace acquaintance once told me she was pregnant. The pregnancy was unexpected. “I just need to talk. I don’t know what to do,” she said. I listened to her concerns about making ends meet and praised her for anticipating for the future. I listened to her talk about her recent promotion, and praised her for taking the initiative and securing it. At the end of a long conversation, she said, “The baby was conceived in love. It will be raised in love.”
I was once put in charge of a complex project at the last minute. I quickly requested…
Do virtual assistants, like Apple’s Siri or Amazon’s Alexa, actually “listen”?
By some textbook definitions, they do. They have very good microphones that never get tired. They remember what we say. They “think about”, or at least process what we say. And they respond, sometimes with surprising usefulness. But despite all this, people aren’t going home and sharing their days with their virtual assistants (not yet anyway). They aren’t cancelling their therapist appointments in droves and pouring their hearts out to their virtual assistants. Why?
The short answer is that virtual assistants are not human. They don’t understand human stories…
What do you say to someone who is grieving or ill?
It’s not hard to find articles on the web that give you advice on what not to say. Some might even give you examples of better things to say. But I’d like to go further and talk about why certain things work and others don’t. I’d like to help you understand what is happening, and I’ll give you a simple rule to deal with these delicate situations.
Imagine you saw a movie with some friends. It’s a story about a man and a woman.
She had overcome earlier adversity…
I have a simple definition of listening. It’s made up of three parts. To listen is to put someone else’s speaking, thinking, and feeling needs first. This naturally leads to the three most important things in listening:
1. Let the other person speak before you speak.
Even better, help the other person tell their story, without taking over, or stealing the punch line. If it’s an issue that concerns you, try not to get defensive or to push for your own arguments, because you’re likely to end up interrupting or arguing.
We all want to be heard. We like to…
Listening is important. We are constantly searching for better ways to offer practical tips, meaningful strategies, and passionate reasons to help people improve their listening. But what are some of the problems we encounter in this process? How can we best convey knowledge and excitement about listening?
Let me begin by reviewing some techniques I found on the internet: restating, summarizing, minimal encouragers, reflecting, and emotional labeling. Now what happens if we use these techniques to respond to “I love you”?
Restating — “You’re making a declaration of your feelings about me!”
Summarizing — “So it sounds to me as…